We often hear about the importance of self-compassion – of being kinder to ourselves in moments of struggle. But real compassion is rooted in self-understanding. It is not simply repeating kind words or forcing optimism, but instead listening deeply to what your body and mind are telling you, and then responding with care.
Trauma Lives in the Body
Trauma isn’t just a memory in your mind – it can live in your body. Emotional wounds and unprocessed experiences often become “stuck,” creating blockages that show up as tension, pain, fatigue, or anxiety. As Bessel van der Kolk describes in The Body Keeps the Score, the body records what the mind cannot process. Muscles tighten, the nervous system stays on high alert, and emotions that were too overwhelming to face in the past may still linger beneath the surface today.
This is why self-understanding is so important. When you recognise that the “stuckness” you feel isn’t weakness but a natural survival response, you can begin to meet yourself with compassion instead of frustration.
Looking for the Root Causes
I practice Root Causes Therapy, which focuses less on symptoms and more on the real reasons behind them. Instead of asking, “How do I make this anxiety go away?” the deeper question becomes: “Where did this anxiety start? What is my body trying to protect me from?” By exploring the origins – often in past trauma creating limiting beliefs – we can gently begin to release the patterns that keep us trapped.
Self-compassion in this context is not indulgence. It is allowing yourself to heal at the pace your body needs, rather than forcing yourself to “move on.”
Small Shifts, Big Impact
Sometimes healing can begin with the simplest of practices. Sleep, for instance, is one of the most powerful tools we have for self-compassion. Neuroscience shows that just one good night’s sleep can reduce emotional reactivity, restore memory function, and rebalance stress hormones. Lack of rest makes everything feel harder, while consistent sleep helps us regulate mood and process emotions more effectively.
Self-care doesn’t always mean grand gestures. It might simply be allowing yourself to rest, to say “no,” or to pause before rushing into another cycle of over-giving.
The Science of Self-Healing
The mind has remarkable influence over the body. Research into neuroplasticity shows that we can literally reshape the way our brain functions by how we think, feel, and act. Practices such as mindfulness, visualisation, and affirmations are not “wishful thinking”- they are proven ways of rewiring pathways in the brain, calming the nervous system, and encouraging the body to return to balance.
When you shift your thinking from self-criticism to self-compassion, you are teaching your brain to create new associations: safety instead of fear, healing instead of harm.
Releasing Limiting Beliefs
Much of what holds us back in life comes not from external obstacles, but from the beliefs we carry inside. “I’m not good enough.” “I have to keep giving to be valued.” “If I rest, I’m lazy.” These are beliefs I have faced. They are not truths – they are learned responses, often rooted in old wounds.
Self-understanding means noticing when these beliefs arise and gently questioning them. Compassion means replacing them with words that allow growth: “I am worthy as I am.” “Rest restores me.” “Receiving support is as important as giving it.”
Practising Receiving
For many of us, compassion flows easily toward others, but not toward ourselves. We give, we fix, we hold. But when it comes to receiving care, compliments, or help, we deflect. Yet healing requires balance. Receiving is not selfish – it is necessary.
Allow yourself to receive rest, receive kindness, receive love. This is not weakness, but courage: the courage to believe you deserve to be cared for, too.
Self-compassion begins with listening – to your body or “soma”, to your emotions, and to your story. Healing is not about erasing the past but about meeting yourself with gentleness in the present. Whether it’s making time to sleep, releasing a limiting belief, or simply placing a hand on your heart and saying, “I am safe now,” you are practising a form of self-understanding that can transform your life.
Your body remembers – but it also knows how to heal. And when you practise compassion toward yourself, you open the door for that healing to begin.
Contact me if you would like to know more about Root Causes Therapy or the personal development programs I run based on resilience.
Caroline
CAROLINE JAINE - THE RESILIENCE GUIDE 